Ponder As You Will

Since I've been home, I've been blessed to have been meeting once a week with 2 incredible women. One of which I look to as my biggest role model. The other, one of my best friends as well as my cousin. We met this morning and we ended praying for each other and tears were slowly tickling my cheeks. These women really make me think. Today we looked at Deborah in the book of Judges. What a wonderful and incredibly solid woman! I would recommend any woman to look and study the little we know of Deborah. She may only be mentioned in 2 chapters in the entire Bible, but there is some amazing insight you can gain from learning about who she was. This morning left me pondering a question that I would like to challenge others as well:

"Lord, how do I use my strengths in ways that bring a smile to Your face?"

A quote that I really loved was in our lesson this morning that was really powerful in getting the point across.

"God can used your personal strengths, as well as your role in the home and/or business place, to build unity and point others to Him. Welcome Him to use you for His purposes."

And my favorite from this morning, was actually quoting another huge role model in my life.

"Look for your passions and look at your gifts. Match them up and serve there." -Alan DeFriese

Counting Everything as a Loss

I'm hooked. Elisabeth Elliot is not just an amazing role model or a wonderful writer. She's one of the most passionate women I've ever known there to be for Christ. Passion and Purity is now my current read of hers and can I just say...wow.

"When the will of God crosses the will of man," Addison Leitch said, "somebody has to die." Life requires countless "little" deaths -- occasions when we are given the chance to say no to self and yes to God. It is not that everything that has anything to do with ourselves is in itself wicked and deserving of death. It did not mean that when Jesus said, "Not my will..." There could not have been even the smallest part of His will that was wicked. It was a choice to lay down everything -- the good He had done and the good He might do if He was permitted to live -- for the love of God. The same choice is offered to us. 

There is a big however. It is this: We are not meant to die merely in order to be dead. God could not want that for the creatures to whom He has given the breath of life. We die in order to live.

This reminds me of the verse in Luke that I memorized this past semester... "Whoever tries to keep his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life will preserve it." Whether we think we're doing something good or righteous is irrelevant. Following God's will is the only option for us to be equally yoked with Christs' desires. As hard as it may be, it will produce the most fruitful of all results.

A Must Read

Through Gates of Splendor...left me speechless. The courage, devotion and steadfast trust that was seen in the lives of these 5 missionaries and their wives is something that sends chills down my body. The sacrifice, the submission, the selflessness, the sureness, the sole purpose of each of those men is all based on one thing: the Gospel. Because I want you to read it, I'm not going to say much more except that it is truly a perspective-changing book, one that makes your problems seem so petty and opens your eyes to the desperation of the Gospel.

The book began with Jim quoting Hebrews 13:5 as he wrote in his journal..."I will never leave thee nor forsake thee." I may boldy say, "I will not fear..."

And the book ended with these words found in his diary, "O Jesus, Master and Center and End of all, how long before that Glory is thine which has so long waited Thee? Now there is no thought of Thee among men; then there shall be thought for nothing else. Now other men are praised; then none shall care for any other's merits. Hasten, hasten, Glory of Heaven, take Thy crown, subdue Thy Kingdom, enthrall Thy creatures."

Elisabeth Elliot is truly a Proverbs 31 woman. A woman who sits completely content in the knowledge of Christ. A woman who is not shaken by the tragedies of this world, but instead rejoices in her Lord. A woman who has seen what our Father is capable of. A woman I greatly look up to.

Read it.

Here Am I, Lord

My perspective of life has changed drastically over the last year. Over the past 6 months, I have been prayerfully considering what God is preparing me for. Why occupational therapy? Why Australia? Why the immense amount of trials I faced last summer? Why He's presenting me with ministry opportunities in a church I thought was a lost cause? Why He has changed the hearts of my parents? 

I spoke in church this morning about the opportunity God has given me to serve in Australia for Him this summer. I told my church why I was going and what I will be doing. I had no idea what I was going to say. No notes, no organized thought process whatsoever. I got up in front of the microphone, and that was the end of me. God completely took over. As the words were coming out of my mouth, my eyes were scanning the congregation. I saw smiles and head nods. And afterward, I was greeted with joy and such appreciation. Having the love and support of your church family brings such excitement to my heart. Knowing I will be prayed for while I'm in Australia is one of the biggest comforts I could ask for. God has changed my life around over the last year. He's shown me what it truly looks and feels like to live for Him. 

Back to praying about what my future may look like...because of all the things that God has exposed to me, using my desire to be an occupational therapist for His glory has been thought about quite a lot lately. It's still early to know His plans (if in fact I will ever know His plan), but using occupational therapy and taking it to a third-world country to help further His kingdom, aka medical missions have been a prevalent thought and prayer.

This morning I talked about my desire to reach those who have yet to hear the best news ever told; my desire to play my part in the Great Commission; my desire to give up my life for the sake of others. And you know how God responded? By having this as the closing hymn to the service this morning.

I, the Lord of sea and sky, I have heard my people cry.
All who dwell in dark and sin ,My hand will save.
I who made the stars of night, I will make their darkness bright.
Who will bear my light to them? Whom shall I send? 

Here I am, Lord. Is it I, Lord?
I have heard You calling in the night.
I will go, Lord, if You lead me.
I will hold your people in my heart.

I, the Lord of snow and rain, I have borne my people's pain.
I have wept for love of them. They turn away.
I will break their hearts of stone, give them hearts for love alone.
I will speak my Word to them. Whom shall I send?

I the Lord of wind and flame, I will tend the poor and lame.
I will set a feast for them. My hand will save.
Finest bread I will provide Till their hearts be satisfied.
I will give my life to them. Whom shall I send?
 

Here I am, Lord. Is it I, Lord?
I have heard You calling in the night.
I will go, Lord, if You lead me.
I will hold your people in my heart.

He hears us...and He most definitely will answer us. I'm not saying that I got my answer from singing a hymn this morning. But I do know that He is slowly filling in the blanks to this story of my life. Not giving away too much, but allowing me to know enough in order to continue coming to Him in prayer, in trust and in comfort.

A Mask

Most of us often have trouble admitting that we're scared. Our culture has trained us differently. Never show pain. Rub some dirt in it. Shake it off. Be a man. Put some pants on. 

We've all been told something of the sort throughout our life. Fear is weak, and being weak is bad...says the world.

Having a weakness is hard. I would know because I possess plenty of them. And I always find myself trying whatever it takes to compensate for those weaknesses, cover them up, and act like nothing's wrong. But the truth is, there is. Behind that mask that I frequently try to wear, there's weakness. It's something I don't want to talk about, not even with my closest friends. Why? Because Satan loves to fill my head with lies to make me think that I'm the only one with this weakness and no one will understand. Tonight, that lie was defeated. Tonight a prayer was answered. Tonight, an amazing door of hope was opened. I found a dear friend with a similar weakness. God blessed me with a sister than can encourage me, that can pray for me, and one that knows the feelings I express. 

God has been such a stronghold for me over the past year while I've dealt with this weakness, and I know He will continue to be. Isaiah 40 has become one of my favorite passages. It tells me that my God is in absolute control of my life. Every single detail. He shows me how fleshy and finite of a person I am and then shows me how eternal and sovereign He is. He knew about this weakness, He allowed it to happen, and He's waiting on me to let Him use it to prove to me His strength.

"All men are like grass, and all their glory is like the flowers of the field. The grass withers and the flowers fall, because the breath of the Lord blows on them. Surely the people are grass. The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of our God stands forever." (v6-8)

"He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young. Who has measured the waters in the hollow of his hand, or with the breadth of his hand marked off the heavens? Who has held the dust of the earth in a basked, or weighed the mountains on the scales and the hills in a balance? Who has understood the mind of the Lord, or instructed him as his counselor? Who was it that taught him knowledge or showed him the path of understanding?" (v11-14)

"Lift your eyes and look to the heavens: Who created all these? He who brings out the starry host one by one, and calls them each by name. Because of his great power and mighty strength, not one of them is missing."(v26)

"The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." (v28-31)

Don't let the world win. Stop brushing the weakness under the rug. Getting rid of it will only come when you face it and give it up to God. Only then can He use it for His glory.

Eager and Dreaming

These last two weeks have been sooo busy. Studying for finals, taking finals, packing, driving, unpacking. It's been quite an adventure. I'm not even sure what to post about tonight. I don't see it necessary talking about my past two weeks...they're over and done. Maybe this summer? We'll go with that.

Where to start...so far my summer has included unpacking and reorganizing my room/house, spending time with some dearly missed people, substituting as a kindergarten teacher two days this week, and now I'm currently in the process of packing once again to head to the beach with some of my future housemates :) So it's been pretty busy.

Even though all of these things are going on, Australia is still in the forefront of my mind...and I'm hoping that's a good thing. I leave June 29th, a little less than a month and a half. I noticed that I haven't posted about Australia except for when I got accepted to be a part of the team. Not sure how that happened, especially since this trip is one of the main things I've been thinking and praying about since February. So...Australia. The "land down under," known for it's kangaroos, accents, and disgusting Vegemite. A place that is swarming with so much potential (for the gospel). The home of Melbourne, a city full of people who have never even heard of the name Jesus. A location that deserves to be reached, and a home to a team of eager college students for 6 weeks.

Next subject: The team. One word can describe it...awesome. I have never met a group of people and found myself connecting with them so well like I did with my amazing team. Each person has something unique they bring to our team. I seriously cannot wait to spend 6 weeks encouraging, loving and ministering alongside these fine folks.

Having Australia on my mind triggers other thoughts about my future. Ever since January, God has placed missions on my heart. Missions as in not just going on summer project, but making it my career. The more I have been praying about it, the more joy I find in the thought of spending the rest of my life traveling the world in hope that God will use me in a similar way that He used Paul. As a team, we're reading "Through Gates of Splendor" by Elisabeth Elliot and this book has truly opened my eyes to possible future endeavors for me. I've always been passionate about the medical field, and knowing that God has put occupational therapy on my heart for a reason makes medical missions look that much more exciting.

Substitute teaching, eagerly awaiting June 19th, and dreaming of medical missions. 

My current life story.

Recap

Last day of classes. Last CRU of the semester (last night). Last weekend living on campus. Last bible study with Laura Ward and the girls (this past Tuesday). Saying goodbye to the Flynn's and the Flacks. Saying goodbye to Huffman Hall. Saying goodbye to the amazing seniors. 

This has all either happened or will be happening this weekend. The last, saying goodbyes, endings...it's bittersweet. All endings bring new beginnings. Big things are going to happen at JMU through Campus Crusade, even more than what has already happened. God isn't surprised by any of this. He timed this all perfectly, and He is going to show up in some mighty ways. As students (and staff), we have to be open and willing to His plan and be prepared to be used by Him in any way we see Him calling us. Crusade is going to be taking some big leaps of faith, Crusade is going to be relying solely on God. Whatever fall we may take during it all, we can be assured that He will be there to catch us.

It has been a great year. A year of tremendous growth in my walk with Jesus, a year of new opportunities, a year of new roles in the body of Christ, a year of being blessed to share His name overseas this summer, a year of securing relationships and mending others. It's been a true blessing to see God work in my life in the last 9 months.

Bound No More

Psalm 22. 

A prophecy. A true story. A sacrifice. A saving grace.

We don't deserve it. 

We should be be mocked. We should be insulted. We should be torn apart by the lions. All of our bones should be out of joint and we should be able to count each one. We should be thirsty. We should be surrounded by a band of evil. Our hands and feet should be pierced. Up on that cross...it should have been us.

But it wasn't. That's the beauty of today. We are worthless sinners who deserve this kind of punishment. But God didn't want that. He wanted us to know Him, to walk alongside of Him in heaven. So He sent His son, Jesus. A perfect man, the greatest man that ever walked this earth...put Himself on that cross. 

He lived to die so we can live eternally. 

He was crucified, put to death in the most painful way known to man. He was put in a tomb, assuming it would constrain Him. The third day...He showed otherwise. He rose from the dead and ascended into heaven to sit at the right hand of God. That death and that resurrection covered our sins, so that when God wants to call us home, we too will join Jesus at the right hand of our Father.

That's the beauty of the gospel. It shouldn't just be remembered on a day like today. It should be made fresh to us on a daily basis. Easter is quite the holiday...chocolate bunnies, dyed eggs, pretty sundresses, and family meals. But what we cannot forget is how are chains have been removed. How we are no longer bound by Satan, but instead freed by our Savior. 

He gave us life, so let's give Him ours.

Happy Easter :)

The Pieces Fall Into Place

This morning at Aletheia was God leading me right to the answers of my prayers these last few weeks. I want to know His love, I mean really know it. The words on the pages are one thing, but it's not until those words are read in my heart that I truly embrace every detail. This morning, that's what happened. Paul took us to the story of Nicodemus this morning in John 3. Every time I heard the name Nicodemus this morning, I could replace my name with his and find the statement to be true. This especially...

"Rabbi, we know you are a teacher who has come from God. For no one could perform the miraculous signs you are doing if God were not with him." -John 3:2

By reading and hearing about Jesus for the majority of my life, I know that He is a great teacher, that He was an extraordinary man. But that's when there's more to it. Satan himself knew Jesus was an extraordinary man. It's knowing what's not seen externally that really mattered to Jesus. His miracles, His parables...they were all wonderful and full of so much Truth. But what Jesus wants us to know is, "I tell you the truth, no one can see the kingdom of God unless he is born again." -verse 3

Knowing that Jesus was amazing is one thing, but it's knowing why that's worth His blood. This is something I have been praying to see...why Jesus came, why He loved us so much, why He did the things He did while He walked on this earth. Understanding that will allow me to fully live out the life God has planned for me: loving people like Jesus loved, serving like Jesus served, sacrificing like Jesus sacrificed, and trusting like Jesus trusted. It's all one big puzzle, once you get the outside border figured out...all the inside pieces are so much easier to fit into place. 

I really liked this quote Paul said this morning about the Holy Spirit...

"we won't always see the path, but we always see the evidence."

God's plan for our lives may been invisible to us right now, but each step we take we can look back and be guaranteed that we see the footprint of Him right behind us.

Sophomoritis?

When things get hard, our first instincts is to run and hide...to just give up. Giving up admits defeat, timidity, the lack of trust.

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." -Galatians 6:9

God rejoices in the people who are willing to go all the way for Him. 

It's easy to quit; it takes faith to follow through.

This has really been something God has put on my heart lately. With only 3 weeks left in the semester, my classes are squeezing me for all I have left. Professors are cramming the last of the material, assigning last minute assignments,etc. And what do I want to do? Give up. But the worst thing about it is that I'm using God as an excuse. Instead of putting time into my classes and following through with the task He has set before me as a student, I use the line, "if God wants me to pass, He'll provide the knowledge I need." Now, that is Truth in itself, but not in the way I'm using it. I'm using Him as an excuse not to do my work. That not only shows laziness, but selfishness too. Laziness in the fact that He is giving me ample time to complete the work for my classes, but I'm choosing that time to do other things. Selfishness is seen because I'm putting my desires over that of my priorities. I'm spending time doing what I want to be doing instead of what I should be doing. 

So there you have it. Some call this "spring at JMU," seniors title it "senioritis," but in my case it's the simple fact that I'm giving up on a task God clearly wants me to do well at...not for my sake, but for His glory.

My Attempt at Being Domestic.

 I tried it. And I'm pretty pleased with the results :)

Voila! Fabric Flower Headbands

Peaches and Mangoes

So I did it. I bought it, and I burnt it. I'm a rebel. The smell of it sitting next to me as I stare at my computer or color-code my notes in my notebook is so relaxing. It gets me in the mood for summer. It adds a homey sense to these white-washed walls. It effectively mixes my two favorite fruits into an aroma that I would picture Heaven to smell like.And the best part is, it was only $1.

That's right. My new Peach and Mango candle :)

To help make more sense of the whole "rebel" title, I live in a dorm...therefore candles are a no-no.

Pretty pitiful that this is one of the highlights of my day. Though the aroma of this amazing little glass jar of wax may give me such a simple joy, I experienced another joy today as well. This one, I would say, couldn't quite be contained in a 3 oz. container.

If you weren't privileged to spend a few minutes outside today, let me just tell you that you missed out. Having class until 3:15 was a little sad, seeing that I only had about 2 hours to soak up this spring sensation. Laying under my designated tree located behind Huffman is where I had one of the best times with God I've had in a long time. I feel like I've been pretty open for the most part on my blog, so sharing a part of my time with Jesus will be okay. Understanding God's love is something I thought I had figured out. I mean that I have accepted it, read about, thanked Him for it, etc. and I've been spending time working on pruning other parts of my life. But what I realized today is I have been taking this free love for granted. 

This is some of what I journaled today...

It's so easy for the concept of love to get blurry when one looks at the world. Love is said in the spur of a moment, love is shown in immoral ways, and love is taking on the same definition as lust. Living in this world, no wonder no one knows what love is supposed to look like. That's where God steps in. He uses Christians to reflect this love that has been torn apart by the world. 

[Insert sentence on how I've shown God's love here.]

And that's where I stop. Hit a brick wall. I can't insert a sentence. I haven't been the mirror God is expecting me to be as His disciple. Loving is hard, at least for me. Satan has used this world to distract me and put "strongholds" in my mind, which in turn control my thoughts and ultimately, control my actions. And that's when He showed me...I haven't embraced and understood His love for me at the level of understanding that I'm capable of. God's love is pure, it's sincere, it's real, it's sacrificial. 

My main task: Falling madly in love with God...DAILY.

Reading this may make you think, "how is she living for God if she's not loving others?" And that's a great question. I want to rephrase my struggle...I'm not loving others as effectively as I should. There it is. And in order for me to do that, I have to understand what true love looks like and what it's made of. And the only way to do that is to continue to learn more and more about God on a daily basis. The more we learn, the more we love. The more we love, the bigger He gets. The bigger He gets, the smaller we become.

"The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of this world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." -2 Corinthians 10:4-5

So I challenge you, find out your weakness, your struggle. Don't try to fight it, fix it, or even replace it using the "weapons" of this world. The only weapon that will defeat a spiritual enemy is God's Word. Check it out.

Weakend.

This weekend hit both ends of the spectrum for sure. Roadtripping to Westchester, Pa with Tiff, Genvieve, Erin, and Shannon Marie on Friday included some great conversations, enjoying the voice of our Aussie GPS, and deciding that studying in the car wasn't possible. Saturday was busy. Busy as in there was one break from 3-3:15...haha. But on top of being busy, it was one of the best bonding experiences ever :) I spent give or take 15 hours with my family for the summer (aka my Australia team). Each and every person God has placed on this team has a unique quality/gift that is going to be used so effectively this summer, and I am blessed to say that I get to watch God use them as well as minister alongside of them. Staying up til midnight talking about the amazing things God has done in our lives was such a great glimpse of the awesome conversations to come :)

Sunday, on the other hand...was the other end of the spectrum I referred to. I woke up to Shannon sick as a pup (details will be refrained). And I soon followed... We spent the day together lying in bed from 9am til about 6pm. My first thought would be it was an awful day...but I can't say that. Because well, one, Shannon and I had quite a unique bonding experience to say the least. 

the campground where we stayed

we stayed in the one on the far left...all 6 of us :)

the larger cabins shannon and I spent Sunday in

The ride back wasn't the same without the beautiful Shannon, but blasting Disney music for 4 hours and driving through an amazing lightning storm was pretty awesome.

The cherry on top of this weekend was the Anatomy that followed it. Being completely busy all day Saturday and completely sick all day Sunday...left me no time to study. But this is where God is the man...I took advantage of my professor's office hours Thursday and Friday and have been doing well in lab over the past few weeks. So with only 4 hours to study today before my test, I knew only God would be able to get me through this one. 4 hours may seem like plenty of time to pull off a B or C in most classes, but anatomy is slightly different. Memorizing doesn't quite work...so studying daily is very much encouraged. 

So, here I am. Sitting on my couch, relaxing after a run...feeling confident about my test, excited about my summer, and blessed that I have a God who provides :)

The weather probably played a role in my good mood today as well...

Guilt vs. Conviction

Back to posting daily...? Not sure. But last night, a discussion went down at bible study that can't go without being mentioned...or in this case, deciphered in depth. 

The question: "Are non-believers convicted? And if so, by who?"

Two sides were brought to attention, those of which are important, but for point's sake I'll just reveal what I found after looking further into it.

The Holy Spirit convicts both the non-Christian and the Christian. Let me talk about the non-Christian first.
I want to take you today to John 16 because in John 16, the Lord Jesus was about to be dragged from the garden. He was about to be taken to the Judgment Hall and sent to Calvary to die on the cross.
But just before this happened, He spoke to His disciples, and this is what he said—John 16:1, "These things I have spoken to you, that you should not be made to stumble. They will put you out of the synagogues; yes, the time is coming that whoever kills you will think that he offers God service.

"And these things they will do to you because they have not known the Father nor Me. But these things I have told you, that when the time comes, you may remember that I told you of them.

"And these things I did not say to you at the beginning, because I was with you. But now I go away to Him who sent Me, and none of you asks Me, 'Where are You going?' But because I have said these things to you, sorrow has filled your heart" (NKJV).

Now, listen to this. This is verse 7 [and 8]. "Nevertheless I tell you the truth. It is to your advantage that I go away; for if I do not go away, the Helper will not come to you; but if I depart, I will send Him to you. And when He has come, He will convict the world of sin, and of righteousness, and of judgment" (NKJV).

Well, now, there Jesus talks about the Comforter, the Holy Spirit, the Helper. The Spirit will come and he will reprove or convict the world. The word here in Greek is the word meaning "to expose," or "to bring to light" with the result of being shamed about one's wrongdoing.

And that's exactly what the Holy Spirit will do to every unbeliever. He's doing that in the world today.

While the world is not as bad as it could be, because of the restraining power of the Holy Spirit of God, some individuals within this evil world are still being convicted of their sin. And shame is the result. And this is the work of the Holy Spirit of God.

Now these verses that I just read, John 16:7‑8, they do not record all that the Lord Jesus had to say about the Holy Spirit when He comes and what He'll do. Listen to the next verses.

They give the details of the Spirit's convicting the world of sin and righteousness and judgment. In verses 9 through 11, Jesus says that the Spirit convicts "of sin, because they do not believe in Me; of righteousness, because I go to My Father and you see Me no more; of judgment, because the ruler [prince] of this world is judged" (NKJV).

Now, that's where we need to put our focus today. When the Spirit of God convicts the unsaved world, when the Spirit of God convicts those who have not yet trusted Jesus Christ as Savior—it's of sin and righteousness and judgment. But what does that mean?

Well, these three categories here, convicting of sin and righteousness and judgment--these are the three things that the Spirit of God is active today, doing in the hearts of people who do not know the Lord Jesus as Savior.

First of all, of sin.

See, it's not the task of the Holy Spirit to convict the world of murder, or of manslaughter, grand-theft auto, things like that—that's what the law does. The law of the land convicts a person of those kinds of offenses.

When the Holy Spirit convicts of sin, it's not of particular sins, plural, but of sin in general. And we're very, very wrong if we think the word "convict" simply means to make a person feel guilty. If that were the case, most people would never be convicted because it's evident that not many people feel guilty anymore about anything.

Now, when the Spirit convicts, it means that the unsaved person is found guilty as charged. Whether he or she feels guilty is not the issue. He or she is guilty, and the Spirit convicts that person of sin.

It's this knowledge that leads a person to acknowledge his or her need of the Savior. Before the Holy Spirit convicts someone, there's little sensitivity to God and the message of the Gospel.

That's why Paul says, "But if our gospel be hid, it is hid to those who are lost, in whom the God of this world," that's Satan, "has blinded the minds of those which believe not" (2 Corinthians 4:3).

But, you see, that's what the Holy Spirit does. He reproves the unbeliever, He convicts him of his sin, and reveals the Gospel to him, showing him his need—a need which before he may never have perceived that he had. 

I think the biggest thing here that we have to realize is the difference of "feeling guilty" and conviction.

According to wikipedia:

Guilt is a cognitive or an emotional experience that occurs when a person realizes or believes—accurately or not—that he or she has violated a moral standard.

Conviction is to make aware of one's sinfulness.

Difference? Yes. Guilt is feeling bad for what one does according to moral standards. Conviction is becoming fully aware of your offense against the Lord.

So therein lies the determinant. Non-believers are guilty. Believers are convicted.

A Sinner's Prayer

        Psalm 51

Have mercy upon me, O God,
         According to Your lovingkindness;
         According to the multitude of Your tender mercies,
         Blot out my transgressions.
  Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity,
         And cleanse me from my sin.
  For I acknowledge my transgressions,
         And my sin is always before me.
  Against You, You only, have I sinned,
         And done this evil in Your sight—
         That You may be found just when You speak,
         And blameless when You judge.
 Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity,
         And in sin my mother conceived me.
  Behold, You desire truth in the inward parts,
         And in the hidden part You will make me to know wisdom.

  Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean;
         Wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
 Make me hear joy and gladness,
         That the bones You have broken may rejoice.
  Hide Your face from my sins,
         And blot out all my iniquities.
  Create in me a clean heart, O God,
         And renew a steadfast spirit within me.
  Do not cast me away from Your presence,
         And do not take Your Holy Spirit from me.
  Restore to me the joy of Your salvation,
         And uphold me by Your generous Spirit.
  Then I will teach transgressors Your ways,
         And sinners shall be converted to You.
  Deliver me from the guilt of bloodshed, O God,
         The God of my salvation,
         And my tongue shall sing aloud of Your righteousness.
  O Lord, open my lips,
         And my mouth shall show forth Your praise.
  For You do not desire sacrifice, or else I would give it;
         You do not delight in burnt offering.
  The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit,
         A broken and a contrite heart—
         These, O God, You will not despise.
  Do good in Your good pleasure to Zion;
         Build the walls of Jerusalem.
  Then You shall be pleased with the sacrifices of righteousness,
         With burnt offering and whole burnt offering;
         Then they shall offer bulls on Your altar.

This is one of the most beautiful psalms I have ever read. I know that's hard to say since all of them are beautiful and have so much emotion behind each one. But for me, this one paints one of the most beautiful pictures of salvation. I encourage you to spend time meditating on this. And the coolest part about this particular psalm is the circumstance David is writing it from. Check it out, it's legit.

Patience Leads to Providence

God's Providence. 

Something I've been learning a lot about lately. Seeing results for what I do is something that I find my joy in. Finding myself dependent on those results is what I've been convicted of. That dependence quickly leads to not trusting God's plan and relying on your own to suffice. Well, saying and typing it I know that statement is false. But living it, that's the hard part. But through my weakness (which is obviously needing to be in control), He has shown me His perfect power. There have been so many situations in the last month that I've felt the need to control (and for some reason I thought I had that kind of power). I can only imagine has frustrated God is getting with me. That's why He's done what He has to teach me what His providence is all about. It's about being Abraham and leaving everything, knowing there's a journey ahead but not knowing the destination. It's about being Ruth, who left everything she knew to be with Naomi in a country she was a foreigner in. It's about being Paul, who dropped everything to spread the name of Jesus' not knowing he would write the majority of his letters to us sitting in a prison cell because of his love for God.

I love what He's showing me. I love what He's revealing about my heart. I can't wait to see His plan by using me to further glorify His name. In the end, that's ultimately our job...to glorify Him.

"Not to us, O Lord, not to us but to your name be the glory, because of your love and faithfulness."  -Psalm 115:1

For All The Marbles

Am I willing to lose it all? Can I bet my entire life on a single hand? 

That's what God asks us to do for Him. Correction, it's what He expects us to do for Him. Being willing to give up everything is something I can say "yes" to, but it comes after a very very long and drawn out hesitation. Because God is a loving and gracious God, nine times out of ten, He probably wouldn't ask this of me. BUT, there is a possibly and if asked, a hesitation cannot be present. Reading through the call stories found in the gospels, I envy His disciples and their willingness.

"As Jesus was walking beside the Sea of Galilee, he saw two brothers, Simon called Peter and his brother Andrew. They were casting a net into the lake, for they were fishermen. 'Come, follow me,' Jesus said, 'and I will make you fishers of men.' At once they left their nets and followed him. Going on from there, he saw two other brothers, James son of Zebedee and his brother John. They were in a boat with their father Zebedee, preparing their nets. Jesus called to them, and immediately they left the boat and their father and followed him."

                                                                                                   -Matthew 4:18-22

You catch the bold words? At once...immediately? Therein lies the difference between me and Christ's disciples. That hesitance that I mentioned...yeah, that doesn't fit into the definition for either of those words. In fact, it's the antonym. So what does that tell me about my heart? It needs to be re-evaluated. Why can't I just let go of these things? Without a doubt, without a pause. It's because I haven't come to grips with the fact that none of it's mine. All of it is a gift, a gift I don't deserve. But yet, because Satan is such an amazing liar, he puts the notion in my mind that I do own these things and I have a right to them. We have a right to absolutely nothing if we call ourselves Christians. 

"Whoever tries to keep his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life will preserve it." -Luke 17:33

We have to be willing to:

Get Up

Leave Everything

Follow Jesus

A Joyous Necessity

So I'm reading through a book for Leadership team with CRU called "Spiritual Leadership" by J. Oswald Sanders. Really great book, I highly recommend it. Last night I was doing some of the reading for this week and came across a chapter that really hit me. It may be because God has put the passion of prayer on my heart and every time I see something that is about or associated with prayer I get excited, but nevertheless, the chapter I read last night was Prayer and Leadership.

Because of the amazing wording of this book and the fact that I may not get the point across as strongly in my own words, I want to simply quote some statements that really stuck out to me while reading.

"Prayer is the most ancient, most universal, and most intensive expression of the religious instinct. It includes the simplest speech of infant lips, and the sublime entreaties of older age. All reach the Majesty on high. Prayer is indeed the Christian's vital breath and native air."

It then goes on to talk about how one can understand prayer and the power behind it. The simple fact is, we can only know from experience. "We cannot learn about prayer except by praying."

And then of course the importance of prayer..."If prayer is silly or unnecessary, Jesus would not have wasted His time at it. But wait! Prayer was the dominant feature of His life and a recurring part of His teaching. Prayer kept His moral vision sharp and clear. Prayer gave Him courage to endure the perfect but painful will of His Father. Prayer paved the way for transfiguration. To Jesus, prayer was not a hasty add-on, but a joyous necessity."

Then it talks about how it's not our power in prayer that does the work, but the influence our prayer has on God to do the work.

Prayer moves the arm

That moves the world

To bring deliverance down.

The final statement: "Great leaders of the Bible were great at prayer. They were not leaders because of brilliancy of thought, because they were exhaustless in resources, because of their magnificent culture or native endowment, but because, by the power of prayer, they could command the power of God."

His Righteous Right Hand

Welp. Spring break has indeed come and gone. So much for relaxing and getting caught up on school work. Neither of those two even showed up. Nevertheless, God did work in my heart over the last 9 days. Work that probably wouldn't have happened if I had stuck to my original "relax and study" plan.

What I've realized more than ever this week is how blessed I really am. My family is going through some serious stuff. Fortunately when I refer to family, I don't mean my immediate family, but I'm close enough to consider them that. Things are happening that I never imagined would ever be an issue in my family. Things that I read about or see on tv...are showing up through phone calls. It's scary. I'm scared. And the hardest part in all of this is that I can't be here. I go back to JMU tomorrow and I won't be home until the summer. That's two whole months. I think I'm in the "shock" stage of all of this. One thing happens, and then just when I think it's over or being fixed, another thing makes my phone ring. I don't know how to help. I don't know what to say. All I do is pray. Pray that God soon shows me the reason for all of this, that He will help me understand why it's happening, and to guide me through this in a way that best glorifies Him.

He's testing my faith, I know that much. Because in this situation, the family doesn't want this to be talked about (hence the really broad statements about the issues). I can't run and talk my feelings out to people and be comforted from their words. I don't have a way of physically helping the people who are hurting. He wants me to rely completely on Him for this. He doesn't want me finding contentment and encouragement from others (though that's not always bad), and He doesn't want me to use my ability to serve and do "good works" to make my pain go away. No, He wants me to come to Him, to let Him be all that I need. 

So how am I blessed from all of this? Because I look at my family members who are having to deal with this and how much it is impacting their lives, their faith, and their energy. I complain about little things, but they are the ones who have it hard. .

"'Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.'" -Isaiah 41:10

Social Networks and Jiffy Extra Crunchy

So today is the beginning of Lent. I've been thinking about what I'm spending too much time doing that I could instead replace with spending some time with God or serving Him in some way. My verdict: Facebook and peanut butter. I've come to the conclusion that I check Facebook at least 8-10 times a day. A little excessive? I believe so. So, instead of entirely cutting it out of my life I'm going to limit myself to checking it once a day for a max of 30 minutes. 

So Facebook is my #1. My second is more to work on self-discipline rather than allowing more time for God. But I'm giving up peanut butter. BIG step for me. I love peanut butter and eating it on everything. Not having Jiffy extra-crunchy for 40 days is going to be a big test of discipline. Hah, that statement makes me sound so pitiful. But unfortunately, it's true.

So there you have it. My givings-up for Lent. Hold me accountable, please.

One more thing, I love the new Starbucks logo. Yes, I do notice things like that. I'm currently sitting in a Starbucks in Chesterfield, Va enjoying the environment of the coffee-filled aroma and smiles of all the cups and people in the room. It's one of my favorite places to sit, blog, and attempt to do some homework. 

Since this post isn't as "Jesus-centered" as my others, I'll add in a verse that I've been meditating on all week...and maybe you can slip on over to a Starbucks, check out the new logo on your cup and meditate on it as well :)

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me." -2 Corinthians 12:9