The Thought.

The thought has been in the back of my mind ever since I boarded the plane, saying goodbye to Australia. It lingered and slowly faded as junior year began. Plans of grad school quickly got thrown into the picture and I spent my time planning my future accordingly. One day, a housemate of mine said something as simple as..."America has access to Jesus. There is a church on every corner. The rest of the world is out there waiting for us." She wasn't even talking to me when she said that, but as soon as I heard it images of Melbourne flashed through my mind. Later that day, I went home and read through my journal from Australia and the thought quickly made its way back to my mind. What's one year of my life? It's only 52 weeks. On average, an American lives to the age of 78.5 (yes, I looked it up), which is 4,082 weeks of life. 52 of 4,082 weeks....that's not too much to ask. 

This decision is going to take SO MUCH prayer. I can't even fathom the amount of time I'm going to be spending in the near future asking the Lord to make it completely clear to me what He wants me to do with those 52 weeks. Thinking about it now, it's a lot to ask of a 20 year old college student. An entire year? That's a big sacrifice.

I can't help but put myself in the shoes of the young rich ruler in Luke 18. Sacrificing his possessions and his riches was the one thing he could not do for the Lord. I wonder how God could have used him if he had said "yes...I will give up my life and everything I own to follow You." To be honest, I don't want to look back and ask myself that question in 5 years. Jesus never said living for Him would be easy, but He did say it would be rewarding.

The praying and thinking continues and will continue until the Lord reveals to me that the door leading to sacrificing 52 weeks of my life is a door I'm meant to go through. And throughout all of this, fear is always showing up in different forms: "Am I making a mistake? Am I doing this for myself? Is it a way to escape?"

I was blessed to share 30 minutes with a friend in Australia last night over skype and she said something that resignated with me and will definitely be my go-to when those questions of fear get loud...she said something along the lines of this: "We're human. God knows that and he knows that everything we do will not have pure motives. That's the nature of being sinful. But that does not mean that God can't use a wrong motive for His glory. Selfish motives could bring you to a place of complete humility and sanctification."

The thought is there. The prayers are being lifted. The waiting begins. The listening will never end.

"Is the Lord calling me to Australia to devote a year of ministry for Him?"