When Life (for me) Began.

I've been debating on whether to post this or not. But the more I thought about it, the more I felt like I should. Those who read this may not know me as well as others, but the point is not really to get to know me on a more personal level, but it's more to show God's absolutely amazing work and how capable He is. If you read my very first blog post, you'll see that this blog purposed to bring those who read it closer to Him. Another attempt of mine at witnessing to others using my thoughts, convictions and experiences.

For God's glory only...this is how He made His way into my life.

Finding My Dependence

Being dependent in the wrong people is how I spent the first 18 years of my life. Growing up in church I heard the stories every Sunday, but that's all they were to me...just stories. It wasn't until I was 12 that I heard and understood the gospel for the first time. Jesus died for me, to take away my sins so that I can spend eternity with Him in Heaven. That night I prayed to God asking Him to be a part of my life. Accepting Christ into my life changed how I viewed myself and later explained the conviction I felt throughout high school, but I went through a long process of living in sin and conviction before I understood what it truly meant to live a life for Christ, let alone what it looked like.

High school is when the dependence in God shifted and focused on family and friends. Sports were always an interest of mine, and around this time softball began to consume my life. It became a way for me to achieve admiration from my parents as well as a way for me to boast my talents. I became so dependent on pleasing my parents that softball became my idol. Not only was softball sculpting my identity, but fitting in with the popular crowd became a desire as well. Dating the popular guys, and partying with the "in" crowd is what I thought it took. My dependence on what others thought about me had made me into someone I didn't even recognize. By this point in my life, God is no where to be seen, in or through me. I was what people call a "Sunday Morning Christian," attending church again, as a way to please my parents. My junior year, God put someone in my life who help me realize how a Christian life should be lived. This person helped me recognize that I was depending on temporary satisfactions and ending up more lost than I started.

Coming to college, I knew 2 things could happen. 1) I could keep living in a lie and making myself believe that this comfortable lifestyle was satisfying, or 2) I could admit to myself and to God that I was living in filth and sin and have the desire to change. The summer before college, I made reading God's Word and praying a daily occurrence. And because of this, God quickly made the decision obvious. I felt God calling me to leave this comfortable "popular" bubble and learn to depend solely on Him to satisfy me.

God has grown me in some absolutely amazing ways over the last year and a half, ways that are obviously only possible by the work of His hands. He's blessed me, He's taken things away, and He has sent me numerous trials. But all of this was to dispose of any hindrances that are/were getting in the way of my knowledge and love for Him as well as to strengthen my faith in His control of my life. I see now why God allowed my past to happen -- to be able to relate to others, to realize that experience evolves knowledge into wisdom, and ultimately to see how powerful God's love and grace is to be able to transform a lost, helpless girl who was searching for satisfaction in state titles and relationships to a God-fearing college student who continues to fall more in love with Him every day.

Jesus died for us. He covered our sin with His blood. He's offering us a free ticket into eternal salvation with Him. A ticket that can be gained by asking Him to forgive us of our sin, wanting Him to be the forefront of our lives, and to believe that what He's done for us is true. So why waste such a valuable ticket on such a worthless world?

1 John 2:17 is one of the best representations of what God has shown me through His work in my life so far. "The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever."

I spent so much of my time and effort trying to please the people and things of this world, and it resulted in complete unfulfillment. Giving my life over to God for Him to control has brought me so much more satisfaction in the last 2 years that I have ever experienced.

So I ask, why love and invest in something temporary when we have the option of loving and investing in something eternal?

All About Tradition

Oh how I love Christmas :) and it's less than 12 hours away.

We have quite a few traditions in my family...
Christmas Morning routine:
Dad comes and wakes me up and tells me Merry Christmas. Mom and I get up and take showers and make our coffee. Mom sits in the recliner, dad on the couch, and I still have my spot on the floor by the tree :) Presents get opened, pictures are taken, and then Grandmama comes over to see what we all got.

Christmas Afternoon:
My mom's side of the family comes over...all 22 of them. We have a wonderful lunch and open presents a family at a time.

Christmas Night:
We walk across the yard to my grandmama's house and enjoy a delicious dinner and more present opening.

The day is full of love, family, gifts, pictures, and laughs. But I'm adding one more thing to the schedule this year....reading the Christmas story.

I want the true reason for the season to be fresh on my own mind along with my family's. The Child of Light, Love, and Eternal life was given to us as the ultimate Gift, and our joy and thanks should be centered around that.

Crazy Stuff.

I got a B in Chemistry. My only thought -- God is unbelievable.

Only passing one test all year and having a C quiz average, and I end up with a B. God is unbelievable.And yes, this is what my computer saw when I discovered my B.

Christmas Eve X3

Being home has been quite lovely :) It may have something to do with Christmas being just a week away, but regardless...lovely.

Knowing that this semester ended up being my worst semester (grade-wise) but my best semester God-wise has been so awesome. Taking grades and lowering them slightly on my priority list and raising God up to #1 has been an incredible experience. The stress that usually seen throughout the semester barely showed itself at all this semester. There's a lot more I could say, but to sum it up...I was joyful, regardless of what a letter on a piece of paper read.

Big things are going to be happening in the next month. So for me, the feeling you get in your stomach when laying in bed on Christmas Eve (yes, I do still get those butterflies) aren't just going to come and go on December 24th. I have Radiate to look forward to on December 28th -- one of the best experiences of my year last year. January 20th...let's just say it'll be the deciding factor of how I'll be spending my summer...so that's a pretty big one as well. And then next semester in general. Being a part of the new Leadership team for CRU is going to be incredible! God is going to stretch me in ways that I never thought I could stretch....time, priority, responsibility, fellowship. Can't. wait.

But until then, I'm going to pour out love on my family, enjoy each day God has blessed me with, and make the most out of them :)

Wearing Thin

After a straight week of this...tomorrow is the end.

Acronyms. Picasso. Epidemiology. alopetia. National Institute of Mental Health. Solubility. Primitive Art. Magical Realism. Prefixes/Suffixes. The Road.

All of the following has somehow been crammed into this very exhausted, very tired brain of mine. Despite the outcome...it's all gonna burn. Thanks for the reality check Caleb Knighten.

Cracked Like An Egg

Tonight is the Sunday before finals. Me, along with 4 of my suitemates/best friends are spread out between rooms and the common room...studying. It's been a long day, that's for sure. But unfortunately, I can't use that as an excuse. When dinner time rolled around so did a little attitude. I became super short-tempered with the girls and was really rude. Dinner was eaten in almost silence. After dinner, I sat with Amy in the common room and I just felt it bubbling up inside of me, I couldn't stand it. I was getting mad at them...for a reason I don't even know. I set my books down. Went into my room. Closed the door. And cried. Cried because I saw how selfish I was being. How I didn't feel like loving them, so I got angry instead. I got my bible and flipped to the first verses about love and friendship I could think of. The first was Proverbs 17. "A friend loves at all times". Crack. Then on to 1 John 3 and 4. Long story short, I was told that I was committing murder. Cracked.

I'm sorry. I let Satan get the best of me. I asked for forgiveness. I prayed asking God to take this awful feeling out of my heart and restore me with peace and joy. This is a prime example of me taking advantage of the amazing sisters God has blessed me with. One of my main prayers a year ago was for God to surround me with some amazing women who would encourage and love me. I got what I asked for, and now I'm complaining again.

I'm greedy. I'm selfish. I'm sorry.


These girls are amazing, and I thank God for them everyday. Satan is such a liar.

Always isn't Sometimes

Some things are going on in my life that are sending questions through my head. Questions that I'm not sure I know the answer to. It has convicted to me to check my heart and prepare it accordingly.

Am I prepared to rejoice regardless of what God has me do?

Will my faith sustain me when He decides a test is in order?

I wonder these things because I honestly don't know. Will I be just as happy at home this summer as I would be in Australia?
-my answer: idk
-the right answer: yes. The action of reaching out and witnessing is what should bring this joy, not the place where it is being done.

So getting from point A (my answer) to point B (God's answer) is my current transition. Preparing my heart regardless of what happens and where I go. And assuring myself that wherever I end up is where God sees I can be the most beneficial. It's easy to write/type, but applying it is a tricky one.

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!" - Phil 4:4

Always means all the time; no matter what.
Not...sometimes; if it fits my schedule; if I'm having a good day; if I feel blessed or rewarded.

Always means Always

Which leads me to yet another dilemma I'm currently working through...

CHEMISTRY.

I will admit, I've never done this bad in any class in my life. Having a failing grade at the moment is doing a good job at allowing me to be full of joy. I study. I try. I fail. That's the pattern I've seen this semester. But then I read Philippians 4:4....REJOICE. Hard stuff.

So this is my new motto: It's school. So what? Nbd. Life goes on.

To end things on an uplifting note...yesterday I spent 4 hours with Amy studying/eating at Panera :) Great fun. Good conversations. A lot of work was accomplished. Ran into some friends. Was distracted by others conversations. All in all, a good night.

Always Ready for Battle?

Tonight was the last bible study of the semester and it was probably the best one as well. Finishing up Ephesians, our last topic tonight was the armor of God. We discussed each piece of the suit of armor we are, as Christian, given to wear while engaging in the never-ending battles here on earth.

Truth lies in the belt - the foundation that holds everything together.
Righteousness is found in the breastplate - what protects are heart.

Peace found in our sandals - the willingness to spread to gospel.

Faith seen in the shield - the way we repel what Satan is forever trying to pierce us with. Salvation in the helmet - protects our thoughts and helps in our decision making.
The Spirit works as a sword - we are called to retaliate against Satan, and only the Spirit provides us with that strength.

Such a powerful passage of scripture. Some amazing points were made tonight, some that were really convicting and others that were truly inspiring.
-Notice how there is no armor protecting the back side of a person. The armor isn't meant to protect our backs because we are not called to run away from Satan. We are called to stand firm in our our faith, wearing our armor and let the Spirit work through us to defend the Truth.
-Satan all too often tries to fill us with lies, persuading us that we are inadequate or not good enough to do what God is calling us to do. We can't believe these whispered lies. God doesn't call the equipped, He equips the called.
-Our strength will never withstand that of Satan's, only God is fully capable of that act.

That last point is seen in my favorite verse; one that always reassures me of God's almighty power, regardless of the situation I'm in. I have found so much comfort and peace from this verse and tonight, it fit perfectly when talking about our strength in comparison to God's.

"For the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom and the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength." -1 Corinthians 1:25

You never know when you'll need it. So you might as well always be wearing it.

Slap in the face.

I often find myself underestimating what God can do. I doubt His ability to answer my prayers, especially those that I tend to doubt myself. I guess that why's He's awesome and I'm not.

My cousin, who I consider my brother, has a roller coaster ride of medical problems in the last 2 years. His back has been bothering in an extremely painful way. He's spent his sophomore year of college in doctor's offices, therapy, and sitting in bed because of the pain. I pray for Him daily. Not just for healing of his back, but for him to see that God can heal more than his physical pain. He can transform his live into something he's never experienced.

This Tuesday, my cousin is going into surgery. 4 screws, 2 metal rods, and a fake disk are all going to be put in his spine. For a 19 year old, that's evasive...and scary. He asked me yesterday that if I had time to send some encouraging verses his way. BAMM.

That was God slapping me in the face for giving up hope in him (him being my cousin and in God). It was a slap much needed.

So anyone reading this, pray for my cousin. For a successful, painless surgery. For a complete recovery. And for his love and faith for God to increase and sustain him.

A Parent at 19

Being 19, I would never think I would be saying, "I'm a proud parent."

Last night I made the decision of sponsoring a young girl currently living in Uganda. Lydia is 5 years old, has 7 other siblings and is currently not in school. She stays home and helps her mom with housework. It was a blessing to hear she was in good health, but because her family is living in such poverty that could very quickly change. She is a beautiful little girl and I am so thankful God gave me the heart to sponsor her. She has so little, and I have so much. I want to make that scale as equal as I can with God being in the center. My best friend Emma and I are doing this together, and it's just another reason I can add to my list as to why she is such a blessing in my life :) She is eager to help me support Lydia, to love her and to show her the light of the gospel.

This is Lydia, Emma and I's beautiful little love child :)