Ponder As You Will

Since I've been home, I've been blessed to have been meeting once a week with 2 incredible women. One of which I look to as my biggest role model. The other, one of my best friends as well as my cousin. We met this morning and we ended praying for each other and tears were slowly tickling my cheeks. These women really make me think. Today we looked at Deborah in the book of Judges. What a wonderful and incredibly solid woman! I would recommend any woman to look and study the little we know of Deborah. She may only be mentioned in 2 chapters in the entire Bible, but there is some amazing insight you can gain from learning about who she was. This morning left me pondering a question that I would like to challenge others as well:

"Lord, how do I use my strengths in ways that bring a smile to Your face?"

A quote that I really loved was in our lesson this morning that was really powerful in getting the point across.

"God can used your personal strengths, as well as your role in the home and/or business place, to build unity and point others to Him. Welcome Him to use you for His purposes."

And my favorite from this morning, was actually quoting another huge role model in my life.

"Look for your passions and look at your gifts. Match them up and serve there." -Alan DeFriese

Counting Everything as a Loss

I'm hooked. Elisabeth Elliot is not just an amazing role model or a wonderful writer. She's one of the most passionate women I've ever known there to be for Christ. Passion and Purity is now my current read of hers and can I just say...wow.

"When the will of God crosses the will of man," Addison Leitch said, "somebody has to die." Life requires countless "little" deaths -- occasions when we are given the chance to say no to self and yes to God. It is not that everything that has anything to do with ourselves is in itself wicked and deserving of death. It did not mean that when Jesus said, "Not my will..." There could not have been even the smallest part of His will that was wicked. It was a choice to lay down everything -- the good He had done and the good He might do if He was permitted to live -- for the love of God. The same choice is offered to us. 

There is a big however. It is this: We are not meant to die merely in order to be dead. God could not want that for the creatures to whom He has given the breath of life. We die in order to live.

This reminds me of the verse in Luke that I memorized this past semester... "Whoever tries to keep his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life will preserve it." Whether we think we're doing something good or righteous is irrelevant. Following God's will is the only option for us to be equally yoked with Christs' desires. As hard as it may be, it will produce the most fruitful of all results.

A Must Read

Through Gates of Splendor...left me speechless. The courage, devotion and steadfast trust that was seen in the lives of these 5 missionaries and their wives is something that sends chills down my body. The sacrifice, the submission, the selflessness, the sureness, the sole purpose of each of those men is all based on one thing: the Gospel. Because I want you to read it, I'm not going to say much more except that it is truly a perspective-changing book, one that makes your problems seem so petty and opens your eyes to the desperation of the Gospel.

The book began with Jim quoting Hebrews 13:5 as he wrote in his journal..."I will never leave thee nor forsake thee." I may boldy say, "I will not fear..."

And the book ended with these words found in his diary, "O Jesus, Master and Center and End of all, how long before that Glory is thine which has so long waited Thee? Now there is no thought of Thee among men; then there shall be thought for nothing else. Now other men are praised; then none shall care for any other's merits. Hasten, hasten, Glory of Heaven, take Thy crown, subdue Thy Kingdom, enthrall Thy creatures."

Elisabeth Elliot is truly a Proverbs 31 woman. A woman who sits completely content in the knowledge of Christ. A woman who is not shaken by the tragedies of this world, but instead rejoices in her Lord. A woman who has seen what our Father is capable of. A woman I greatly look up to.

Read it.

Here Am I, Lord

My perspective of life has changed drastically over the last year. Over the past 6 months, I have been prayerfully considering what God is preparing me for. Why occupational therapy? Why Australia? Why the immense amount of trials I faced last summer? Why He's presenting me with ministry opportunities in a church I thought was a lost cause? Why He has changed the hearts of my parents? 

I spoke in church this morning about the opportunity God has given me to serve in Australia for Him this summer. I told my church why I was going and what I will be doing. I had no idea what I was going to say. No notes, no organized thought process whatsoever. I got up in front of the microphone, and that was the end of me. God completely took over. As the words were coming out of my mouth, my eyes were scanning the congregation. I saw smiles and head nods. And afterward, I was greeted with joy and such appreciation. Having the love and support of your church family brings such excitement to my heart. Knowing I will be prayed for while I'm in Australia is one of the biggest comforts I could ask for. God has changed my life around over the last year. He's shown me what it truly looks and feels like to live for Him. 

Back to praying about what my future may look like...because of all the things that God has exposed to me, using my desire to be an occupational therapist for His glory has been thought about quite a lot lately. It's still early to know His plans (if in fact I will ever know His plan), but using occupational therapy and taking it to a third-world country to help further His kingdom, aka medical missions have been a prevalent thought and prayer.

This morning I talked about my desire to reach those who have yet to hear the best news ever told; my desire to play my part in the Great Commission; my desire to give up my life for the sake of others. And you know how God responded? By having this as the closing hymn to the service this morning.

I, the Lord of sea and sky, I have heard my people cry.
All who dwell in dark and sin ,My hand will save.
I who made the stars of night, I will make their darkness bright.
Who will bear my light to them? Whom shall I send? 

Here I am, Lord. Is it I, Lord?
I have heard You calling in the night.
I will go, Lord, if You lead me.
I will hold your people in my heart.

I, the Lord of snow and rain, I have borne my people's pain.
I have wept for love of them. They turn away.
I will break their hearts of stone, give them hearts for love alone.
I will speak my Word to them. Whom shall I send?

I the Lord of wind and flame, I will tend the poor and lame.
I will set a feast for them. My hand will save.
Finest bread I will provide Till their hearts be satisfied.
I will give my life to them. Whom shall I send?
 

Here I am, Lord. Is it I, Lord?
I have heard You calling in the night.
I will go, Lord, if You lead me.
I will hold your people in my heart.

He hears us...and He most definitely will answer us. I'm not saying that I got my answer from singing a hymn this morning. But I do know that He is slowly filling in the blanks to this story of my life. Not giving away too much, but allowing me to know enough in order to continue coming to Him in prayer, in trust and in comfort.

A Mask

Most of us often have trouble admitting that we're scared. Our culture has trained us differently. Never show pain. Rub some dirt in it. Shake it off. Be a man. Put some pants on. 

We've all been told something of the sort throughout our life. Fear is weak, and being weak is bad...says the world.

Having a weakness is hard. I would know because I possess plenty of them. And I always find myself trying whatever it takes to compensate for those weaknesses, cover them up, and act like nothing's wrong. But the truth is, there is. Behind that mask that I frequently try to wear, there's weakness. It's something I don't want to talk about, not even with my closest friends. Why? Because Satan loves to fill my head with lies to make me think that I'm the only one with this weakness and no one will understand. Tonight, that lie was defeated. Tonight a prayer was answered. Tonight, an amazing door of hope was opened. I found a dear friend with a similar weakness. God blessed me with a sister than can encourage me, that can pray for me, and one that knows the feelings I express. 

God has been such a stronghold for me over the past year while I've dealt with this weakness, and I know He will continue to be. Isaiah 40 has become one of my favorite passages. It tells me that my God is in absolute control of my life. Every single detail. He shows me how fleshy and finite of a person I am and then shows me how eternal and sovereign He is. He knew about this weakness, He allowed it to happen, and He's waiting on me to let Him use it to prove to me His strength.

"All men are like grass, and all their glory is like the flowers of the field. The grass withers and the flowers fall, because the breath of the Lord blows on them. Surely the people are grass. The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of our God stands forever." (v6-8)

"He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young. Who has measured the waters in the hollow of his hand, or with the breadth of his hand marked off the heavens? Who has held the dust of the earth in a basked, or weighed the mountains on the scales and the hills in a balance? Who has understood the mind of the Lord, or instructed him as his counselor? Who was it that taught him knowledge or showed him the path of understanding?" (v11-14)

"Lift your eyes and look to the heavens: Who created all these? He who brings out the starry host one by one, and calls them each by name. Because of his great power and mighty strength, not one of them is missing."(v26)

"The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." (v28-31)

Don't let the world win. Stop brushing the weakness under the rug. Getting rid of it will only come when you face it and give it up to God. Only then can He use it for His glory.

Eager and Dreaming

These last two weeks have been sooo busy. Studying for finals, taking finals, packing, driving, unpacking. It's been quite an adventure. I'm not even sure what to post about tonight. I don't see it necessary talking about my past two weeks...they're over and done. Maybe this summer? We'll go with that.

Where to start...so far my summer has included unpacking and reorganizing my room/house, spending time with some dearly missed people, substituting as a kindergarten teacher two days this week, and now I'm currently in the process of packing once again to head to the beach with some of my future housemates :) So it's been pretty busy.

Even though all of these things are going on, Australia is still in the forefront of my mind...and I'm hoping that's a good thing. I leave June 29th, a little less than a month and a half. I noticed that I haven't posted about Australia except for when I got accepted to be a part of the team. Not sure how that happened, especially since this trip is one of the main things I've been thinking and praying about since February. So...Australia. The "land down under," known for it's kangaroos, accents, and disgusting Vegemite. A place that is swarming with so much potential (for the gospel). The home of Melbourne, a city full of people who have never even heard of the name Jesus. A location that deserves to be reached, and a home to a team of eager college students for 6 weeks.

Next subject: The team. One word can describe it...awesome. I have never met a group of people and found myself connecting with them so well like I did with my amazing team. Each person has something unique they bring to our team. I seriously cannot wait to spend 6 weeks encouraging, loving and ministering alongside these fine folks.

Having Australia on my mind triggers other thoughts about my future. Ever since January, God has placed missions on my heart. Missions as in not just going on summer project, but making it my career. The more I have been praying about it, the more joy I find in the thought of spending the rest of my life traveling the world in hope that God will use me in a similar way that He used Paul. As a team, we're reading "Through Gates of Splendor" by Elisabeth Elliot and this book has truly opened my eyes to possible future endeavors for me. I've always been passionate about the medical field, and knowing that God has put occupational therapy on my heart for a reason makes medical missions look that much more exciting.

Substitute teaching, eagerly awaiting June 19th, and dreaming of medical missions. 

My current life story.